How it Went: Coming Out, Staying Out – An Initiative of the Westminster LGBT+ Forum | My Soho Times

Coming Out and Staying can be a significant milestone for people who identify as part of the LGBT+ community. It can be a journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and empowerment. On Wednesday 22nd November the Westminster LGBT forum, with support from the University of Westminster, launched their inaugural Coming Out, Staying Out event. The evening provided a safe and inclusive environment for panelists and attendees to share their personal stories of coming out. Our editor Kai Lutterodt shares some highlights.

The first thing I thought after leaving the first Coming Out, Staying Out Westminster LGBT Forum event last week Wednesday, was “what a privilege it was to be in the room”. The event brought together members of the LGBTQ+ community and their allies, like myself, for an evening of testimony, support, and celebration of the queer experience, where coming out stories were at the forefront. Split into three segments, the event included adequate time for networking, refreshments, and drinks sponsored by The King of Soho gin and Fevertree Tonic.

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Professor Dibyesh Anand of Westminster University gave the opening remarks; “In terms of being visibly and openly queer, I might be one of the first queer persons in senior leadership at our university, if I’m not mistaken. Do I feel pressure to adapt to hetro-normalty roles? Yes there’s always the pressure. But I also find that (at our university) the pressure is less and less, and you can handle that pressure if you’ve got colleagues, comrades, friends and fellow queers around you.”

This message set the tone for the event which emphasised ‘find your tribe‘ and ‘support system‘.

Part one focused on testimony and the process of coming out. Chaired by Pippa Caterall, the panel included a lineup of academics and activists. Lorenzo Belenguer, Anick Soni, Nikos Souvlakis, Kate M. Graham, and Francis Ray White opened the discussion with a range of coming out experiences and stories. Each story was unique, personal and powerful.

During the Q&A, a question was asked by filmmaker Angela Fealy, which I resonated with, “What advice do you have for the allies here tonight?” Anick Soni summed it up in a resounding response, “What I always tell people is that we are not a monolith. There is definitely beauty in community, but we are still communities within that. Allies need to be able to understand that one person isn’t the spokes person for an entire group of people.”

Part two emphasises the importance of support. Within the audience were a number of counsellors who made themselves known through a show of hands. Chris Barlow, chair of the Westminster LGBT Forum, set the tone for part two with the introduction of Ted Brown, a Gay Liberation Front (GLF) veteran who spoke proudly of his participation in organising the UK’s first Pride march on the 1st July 1972 in London.

Photo: Ted Brown speaking at the Coming Out, Staying out event | Photo credit: Kai Lutterodt

“During the march one of the things that happened was we climbed onto the plinth at Trafalgar Square and kissed each in full public, although that was against the law at the time. We marched along Oxford Street, all the way up to Hyde Park where some of us took our clothes off and jumped about a bit!” Ted reminisced of a powerful show of gay pride. “The thing that is partly significant about that event is that it was the first public demonstration by LGBT people in Britain. It followed the events of Friday the 27th of June 1969 in New York where people at the Stonewall Inn fought back against the frequent police raids.”

Ted Brown also spoke so movingly about his plight with care homes. “I’m in the ironic position of saying, although I was one of the people on the very first (Pride) march, there is a circumstance of which I would not come out, and that circumstance is the conditions for LGBT people in care homes.”

Brown went on to share the inhumane treatment his late partner who suffered from dementia endured in a care home(s), which subsequently let to his death. “If I was going to go into a care home now, I would not let anybody know that I was gay. At the moment, none of the care homes in Britain take into account the needs of LGBT+ people. These are people who are vulnerable. You only need 2 or 3 staff out of 20 who are homophobic to make you life a misery… ‘the person who beat you up last might, is bringing you breakfast in the morning’ ” Brown emphasised.

“Many of us might end up in that position and people we love and care about could be, so I think this is a good time, when as a community, we can show that we really do care.” Chris Barlow concluded.

Part two continued with brief introductions from support organisations talking about how they support LGBTQIA+ people to come out, stay out and stay safe. We heard from elop, Mosaic LGBT+ Young Persons’ Trust, National Hate Crime Awareness Week, as well as creative filmmakers; Key-leen the co-founder of Queer Filmmakers Network, and Angela Fealy of FealyFilms.

Part three of evening ended on a celebratory note, with mingling, an ambient soundtrack of queer joy curated by Massimo da Simone, more drinks by the sponsors, and lots of food for thought to take away.

Lorenzo Belenguer, who was on the part one panel, a non-binary queer artist from Bayswater, praised Pippa and Chris for fostering a beautiful space to share coming-out stories. Lorenzo reflected on the challenges of growing up as an effeminate person in a rural area and expressed gratitude for finding a home in London, particularly in the embracing community of Soho – “a Republic of the Unwanted”.

“Coming Out, Staying Out achieved all we hoped for and more. We started with powerful accounts of coming out and moved onto how people can be supported to stay out, while throughout celebrating and affirming LGBTQ+ experiences. Private conversations with some of those attending showed why it is so important to run events like this.” – Pippa Caterall, Westminster LGBT Forum.

“One of the most wonderful things I think about our community is what’s in this very room. There is real sense of belonging, and that we care, and we share. And I think that is really important, non more so that immediately after lockdown. Sharing stories was at the heart of  “Coming Out & Staying Out”, stories that were moving, sad, celebratory and supportive, encouraging us all to Be Ourselves. Look out for 2024 Editions of COSO!” – Chris Barlow, Westminster LGBT Forum.

Overall, Coming Out, Staying Out is an inspiring initiative by the Westminster LGBT+ Forum that not only amplifies the voices of individuals within the LGBT+ community but also strives to promote a more inclusive society. By creating a platform for sharing personal stories, the initiative plays a crucial role in fostering understanding, empathy, and acceptance for all individuals, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Learn more about the work of Westminster LGBT Forum and upcoming events here: www.westminsterlgbtforum.co.uk

Written by Kai Lutterodt @the.soho.girl | Photos: Kai Lutterodt / My Soho Times

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